L&D
So, I’m on the Labor and Delivery Service right now.
Day in and day out I see a parade of baby mommas and baby daddies. . .each a different person, but basically the same: young, inexperienced, unmarried and obviously uneducated about birth control! In general, I find myself more than slightly worried about the people that are populating our earth. Personally, I think I spend too much time judging their decision-making capabilities. . .
Then bam, I get a call.
Thirty-something, intelligent young professional, unmarried and pregnant.
My friend, a doctor, someone who is actually educated about birth control made the same stupid decision that my 17-year old baby momma from yesterday made.
How does this happen?
And more importantly, why am I less concerned about her being a single parent than one of my patients?
Does this make me a naive friend, judgmental doctor, or both?
DoctorR
I think you are a great friend and neither naive or judgmental. It is far easier to give credit to a well known person who you trust than to the mother at walmart that is screaming very loudly at her 5 children (who all looked like heathens) and everyone around her is wondering why she has one kid let alone 5 (true story).
I love reading that you care about the babies and parents that you are caring for. It makes me feel better, sometimes when I leave some doctors offices I wonder if I was a person or just a co-pay with insurance to bill.
Next time you come to Utah give us a call we are in Orem now and we would love to see you two.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m that mom at Wal-mart (but I only have 4)…
Your educated friend, if only from a financial standpoint, is probably better able to handle parenthood than the others.
I remember taking care of a 13-year-old girl at the Adolescent Health Center who was 5 months pregnant. Like Maryanne said, someone who has the capacity to be financially responsible for a child might be better equipped to handle parenthood. And the maturity factor is another consideration.
In (developing) countries where women have children young, and culturally it is embraced, I wonder how parenthood is affected (i.e. how is one mother considered better than her peers).
Well, I digress. I too believe like Karen that extending compassion to all people (strangers, friends, etc..) is important. But as physicians it is inherent to our profession to make judgements regarding our patients’ situations so we can provide the best care. If I think a mother is struggling with x number of children, then you better believe I judge that every visit I have with her is a captive moment to promote positive parenting skills as well as BIRTH CONTROL! 
I think we want to give the “benefit of the doubt” to those we know and care about. After all, we know their intentions, their pure hearts and their goodness. If only we could learn to bestow the same compassion and charity upon those we don’t know.