My Own Journey
So – here we are. My husband and I just moved to Jacksonville, Florida where I will start my Ophthalmology residency on July 1st. And then, I will give birth to our first born, sometime around September 1st…should be interesting.
Overall, I’m excited and grateful for the change in direction (I left the “80 hr work week” of a plastic surgery resident, which really consisted more of 95 to 125 hrs a week and the complete sacrifice of everything else in my life except for the unhealthy, out of balance reality that consisted of a few hours of sleep here and there – probably 4 hours on the good nights, resulting in major memory loss – a hit and miss exercise routine – mostly miss, with a hit or two a month – and the absolute inability to provide my body with proper quality, quantity or interval of nourishment).
My husband no longer refers to me as a zombie – though I still can’t stay awake in the car when we take trips that last longer than one hour. Thank goodness he drove us across the country! I missed a lot of the scenery. I’m very much looking forward to the tamer life of lecture at 7:00 am, followed by clinic/OR until 4 or 5 pm – with once a week and one weekend a month call. Imagine, actually getting enough sleep so that I’ll be able to concentrate during my lectures… though, I was still very hesitant to live 16 minutes away from the hospital; the resident a year ahead of me who assured me that “call isn’t that bad”, assured me that I would be close enough, and shared with me her plans to move to the beach which is 30 minutes from the hospital. : )
Have I had apprehension? Absolutely!!! I look at my husband, who is absolutely supportive, and marvel at what he does for me. I wonder how I can be a good wife AND a good mother while I’m working – when I’m always feeling like I need to do more for him. When I share my thoughts with him, his constant reply is “Carolee, we are in this together. We are a team. We can do this.” Where he came from, I don’t know, but he was definitely worth the 35 years of waiting.
Then, on my first Sunday in my new ward – what do they talk about in Relief Society? The Family: A Proclamation to the World and how “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” Of course that caused me to think again about my choices. When I talked to Tim about it he reminded me that we already prayed about this decision and felt it was the right thing to do. Oh yeah. I’d forgotten.
It is now June 27th. I completed my orientation this week. I was so happy when I was driving home after the first day. Now, I feel calm and excited. These are the feelings of confirmation. Now, when I look at the phrase from “The Family: A Proclamation to the World” it seems obvious that I can complete my residency and nurture my children. I am grateful for this opportunity to “enlarge [my] sphere of usefulness for the benefit of society at large.” (See full quote below)
“As I have often told my sisters in the Female Relief Societies, we have sisters here who, if they had the privilege of studying, would make just as good mathematicians or accountants as any man; and we think they ought to have the privilege to study these branches of knowledge that they may develop the powers with which they are endowed. We believe that women are useful not only to sweep houses, wash dishes, make beds, and raise babies, but that they should stand behind the counter, study law or physic [medicine], or become good book-keepers and be able to do the business in any counting house, and this to enlarge their sphere of usefulness for the benefit of society at large (Discourses of Brigham Young, 216–17).”
Once again, thank you Brigham. And, I am also grateful for the whisperings of the Spirit – however difficult it may be at times to hear them, or remember what they’ve taught you in the past. I’m grateful that we each have our own journey and that we will be guided in it if we trust in the Lord and keep our covenants. I’m grateful for the peace I feel now, as I begin these new chapters in my life.
DoctorC